Friday, September 5, 2008

My Food Diary Anxiety

I use and I generally like it. Although when I'm eating complete crap I just avoid logging my meals altogether. I like going to the forums at that site and browsing through the before and after photos people post of themselves. I wouldn't do such a post even if I were to loose a significant amount of weight for fear that someone I know would see it. Which is ridiculous. Only people who pay for and use that site can view the forums and if that person was there they'd be there for the same reason as me, so why am I so worried about being judged?

It may be that I have a slight anxiety when it comes to knowing I might be watched by others. I cannot mow my lawn if the old man across the street is sitting on his porch. He's always out there, he's probably judging how horrible our lawn is. It's pretty weedy and unkept around the edges. There's a big pile of old sticks and clippings with half a broken wood chair next to the garage and I'm always the last person on the block to retract my garbage cans after the garbage trucks come. Sometimes even 2 days.

I had an insane dream last night. I went to this huge center that helped mentally handicapped people get jobs. I was there because I thought they would help me get a job too. As I was waiting in line to talk to one of their counselors I saw that one of my ex's was sitting in a row of chairs watching a television behind me. I didn't want him to notice me, I was wishing I wasn't there. Somehow he found me and I couldn't believe how great he looked. Super great, like I didn't care if I was married, the chemistry was insane and I had to talk to him. We sat on the floor facing eachother to talk. I don't remember what we said, but I looked down when his foot accidentally touched my leg and I saw that my other leg had been amputated! I just had a stump and next to me was my fake leg that apparently had fallen off.

Oh yes, the picture. The green hat I just knitted for my 8 year old nephew and the flower could be made into a pin or barrette, I couldn't decide, so I just listed it on for $4.

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